im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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