Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
