you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
