Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
