She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
