sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize