Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
