Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
so much tequila, so little girl.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
