I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
