It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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