This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
