Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
