forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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