Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
