dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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