i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
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A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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