Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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