i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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