I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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