Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
