are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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