Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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