It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
