I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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