but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
