Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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