Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
