I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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