i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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