So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize