I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
