I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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