i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
