Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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