Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
me + whiskey = a bad person
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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