It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
