Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Randomize
