i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
