You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
