I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
