I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
