we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
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So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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