is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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