just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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