Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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