so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
