My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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