Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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