Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
