So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
pray to the hookup gods
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
