I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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