hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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