Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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