I have demons in me.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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