Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
