he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
