Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
