you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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