i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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