I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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