Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
