I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
