You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
