So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
