i think my tv is drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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